Days Without a Cigarette: 2.942
Days Without Nicotine: 0
Dollars Saved: -$26.39
I started this blog with the hopes that I’d be using it to share some uplifting realizations I had along the way; maybe some advice I’d picked up that I could offer to other people quitting. And at least so far, I’ve fallen far short of that goal. To this point, the blog has just been a bunch of different ways of screaming “fuck” into a pillow. And I’m afraid that’s what it’s gonna be again today. Because holy shit was day three hard.
I’m more fortunate than most when it comes to planning this out. I’m self employed so I didn’t have any trouble getting a few days off at the beginning. My coworkers are my best friends so they didn’t have any problem picking up my slack for a few days. My office is upstairs from my house, so I don’t have a commute I have to struggle through. And most importantly, I don’t have to leave my house at all if I don’t want to. At least not for this first week.
And that’s a good thing. Because today it would’ve been really easy to snap and fuck this up. If I’d walked out to get the mail and seen a third of a discarded cigarette sitting on the side of the road, I might very well have smoked it. If I found a pack of cigarettes I’d forgotten about in a desk drawer or something, I might not have been able to throw them away. If I saw a friend of mine that smoked who wouldn’t have told anybody about it, I may have just asked them for one. It would’ve been really easy today.
But I didn’t have to see anybody. I didn’t have to smell any cigarettes. I didn’t have to overcome any of those temptations. I know that eventually I will, but the fact that I get a few days before I have to confront them is a huge help. Hell, I literally haven’t sat down in my car since I quit.
But had I encountered that temptation today, or should I encounter it tomorrow, I think I’ve figured out my defense. The last three days have been really fucking hard. Like, brutally, terribly, miserably uncomfortable. I’ve spent nearly 72 hours actively not smoking. Like, somehow I’m actively pursuing inactivity, and it’s exhausting. I have no idea how long it stays like this. It can’t be forever or the world wouldn’t have ex-smokers. But however long it is, I’m three days closer to the finish line now. And one way or the other I need to quit smoking; whether I’m successful this time or whether I give into temptation and fuck it up. So the motivating force right now is that I never want to go through the last three days again.
I haven’t had to find out if it’s sufficient motivation yet or not. But as miserable as it’s been, it damn well better be.