Days Without a Cigarette: 26.62986111
Days Without Nicotine: 0
Dollars Saved: $43.56 (bought another box of patches)
Time Saved: 37 hours, 43 minutes
The cravings are getting worse.
I noticed that a few days ago, and it seemed to defy logic. A cursory examination of the logic suggested that the further away I got from the last cigarette, the less intense the cravings would be. So I kept expecting them to soften up, and they kept doing the opposite.
But upon reflection, this kind of makes sense. This is, after all, a purely psychological addiction I’m dealing with. I haven’t even started tackling the physical addiction yet. And after nearly four weeks of this shit, I’m just sick of quitting. I’m sick of thinking “I’ll just go out and smoke a… wait… no…” I’m sick of that despondent feeling. I’m sick of sitting alone in a room and arguing with myself. It’s not that the weight is getting heavier, it’s that my arms are getting tired.
What’s more is that the cravings leveled out about a week ago. Up until then, I could offset that fatigue with the fact that is was happening with ever decreasing frequency. Sure, my misery may have ticked up a little bit in those moments, but those moments came less often and thus the overall misery was in remission. But that’s not happening anymore. I’ve gotten to the point that I have about the same number of cravings at about the same times each day. And each time I reach into that same bucket of inspiration to get through it. It makes sense that the bucket would start getting low.
A lot of people told me going in that the first few days were the hardest, or that the first week was the hardest. In a sense, I think they’re right. It would have been a lot easier to fall off the wagon three weeks ago than it would be today. But in a sense they’re wrong. Or, at least, their experience doesn’t match my own. It’s much easier to take it one day at a time when you don’t have twenty-six days of accumulated frustration behind you. When you tell your brain “we just have to make it through this one day” twenty seven times in a row, it starts to realize you’re lying.