Days Without a Cigarette: 7.85625
Days Without Nicotine: 0
Dollars Saved: $5.61
Tonight would have been the perfect night for a cigarette.
So here’s the story – here’s the astronomical confluence of events inviting me to smoke tonight: My house is old. Shit doesn’t line up just right. And if you don’t latch the deadbolt, it’s easy to think you’ve closed the front door when you kinda haven’t. So you close the door, you take a step, the door pops back open.
Now, when you notice it popping back open, it’s just inconvenient. But when you don’t notice it, that’s when it becomes a real pain in the ass. Because I have four cats, and they’re all indoor cats. At least, to the extent that we can control that. Loki’s lazy ass isn’t gonna bother going outside when he knows there’s food inside. And Peekaboo and Binky just got the hell out of that outdoor life and aren’t in any hurry to get back to it. But Lilah is always up for a rousing game of “chase me around the yard in the dark for forty minutes.”
So I’m heading downstairs for a drink and I see my wife frantically poking around the bushes with the flashlight on her phone and I know immediately what’s happened. I hop in, grab a better flashlight, then come back out to help her herd a cat. And yes, this is a synonym for a frustrating undertaking. And yes, frustration is my biggest trigger.
But it’s also one of those guilt free cigarettes, right? Because I’m already walking around in the yard anyway. I’m not taking time off of work to smoke a cigarette, I’m taking time off of work to get the cat. The cigarette is just to keep me calm while this fat fucking klutz of a cat suddenly turns into Barry Sanders every time I pin her down by the Azaleas.
But here’s the thing: As I’m doing this, I’m reflecting on what a perfect time this would have been for a cigarette back when I was a smoker, but I didn’t really want one. The noteworthy thing about it is that it didn’t overwhelm me with temptation. I observed it almost like I was some outside anthropologist trying to build up suspense on a nature documentary. But it never even rose to the level of a craving.
I did have cravings today. I kept track. There were five of them, and two of them were really strong. But there were only five of them. After dealing with three hundred and sixteen a day for a couple days, that’s a pretty easy gauntlet to run.
I’m cautioning myself against hubris because that kicked me in the balls once already, but if I had to put money on me, I’d finally be confident throwing my chips on the ‘never smokes again’ square.